


run away (but we're running in circles)

by Vex_ation



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures
Genre: Gen, Kinda, Poetry, it's prose-y, post-RS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:15:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23382904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vex_ation/pseuds/Vex_ation
Summary: Ruby wakes up one morning with ashes in his mouth and the fleeting wisps of a memory on his tongue. Everything is perfect, but something feels wrong.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	run away (but we're running in circles)

**Author's Note:**

> 5 bucks to anyone who can guess where this title came from

The pond in Littleroot was calm, reflective and still as a mirror. The starry sky saw itself in the still water, smiling down upon the dark as the pond tried in vain to take a snapshot of the expansive cosmos. However brief, the pond couldn’t hope to capture the celestial beauty of the stars. Though it tried and tried, there was something missing, something otherworldly that separated the reflection from the real thing. The magic was invisible, untouchable, but it was there. But the pond tried its best, with every pinprick of light mirrored in the dark expanse and shining brilliantly. If you looked at it from above, it seemed almost like the real thing, a portal to another world where every star was but a stitch in the great cosmic tapestry of the heavens. 

Though the winds blew and the trees quaked, the pond remained untouched, reflecting back up at the sky a miniscule show of its own ephemeral magnificence. The earth could shatter and the seas could swell, but the little pond would always show the reflection of the sky for as long as the stars burned. Sometimes it seemed futile, to reflect without meaning even as everything fell apart around it. There was no way of knowing what the heavens intended when they strung up their lights, whether they were meant to be random or structured in a pattern beyond human comprehension. The constellations, a thousand shapes and colors made of stardust and just a touch of celestial magic, stared down just out of reach of the little pond. It could only see so much of the sky, so with its little gaze it tried to capture all it could, a sad parody of the sky in the dark of night. 

A drop of water, silvery in the moonlight, slid down a leaf atop the pond. It fell for what felt like an eternity, dropping silently into the water. And though it couldn’t be heard or seen, the reflection, however briefly, shattered. Like glass and crystal, torn apart along its facets and rupturing the perfection, the pond water rippled. The little glimpse into the night disappeared, the glow of stars lost among the waves. The tapestry was no more, the constellations torn apart as the lights stretched and shrunk and disappeared into the dark. The mirror was broken, its reflection struggling to right itself even as the stars glanced down in mockery. 

As soon as it had begun, the disturbance was gone. The waves faded into nothing and the pond once again became a mirror, reflecting the stars. The still water stared up at the sky, looking at its window to the cosmos. The stars stared back, brilliant and unforgiving. Different constellations, ever so slightly askew, looked down. The dark pond saw a different sky, but the dutiful waters reflected the pictures it knew so well nonetheless. Though the pond silently mourned the sky it had known, the night sky, like the world, had corrected itself. And so the pond stared at the crooked sky, at the stars and constellations and patterns of celestial creativity that glittered like diamonds above their heads. It was beautiful. It was peaceful. 

It was wrong. 

Ruby woke up in Littleroot Town with the taste of ashes in his mouth. Everything felt dry, cracked, and somewhere on the back of his tongue he could still taste the fleeting spike of adrenaline, the taste of fear like bile, the scorching heat of sand and lava and fire that singed his throat and made his stomach hurt. All of it faded as he sat up, slipping through his fingers like a dream. By the time he blinked himself awake, he couldn’t feel it anymore. As he sat up, slowly, carefully, the blankets pooled around his waist. The sun was shining, the posters and ribbons and decor arranged as carefully as he remembered. Filters of golden sunlight shone in through the windows, painting the room in careful shadows and warm, soft rays of yellow. Ruby kicked the blankets off his legs, slowly getting himself out of bed. The floor creaked as his feet searched for his slippers and he put weight on the downright ancient floorboards. The clock read 8:32AM. Taillow sang their sweet melodies outside. Everything was calm. It was terrifying. 

Kiki yawned by his feet, scuttling under the bed as he stood up and felt the mattress spring upwards, freed from his weight. He heard the pom pom pom of her paws on the floor as she crouched in her hidden spot. He sighed, smoothing out his pajama shirt and walking towards the door. Everything felt heavy. The morning sun was too bright, the colors too saturated, everything too tranquil to be real. The feeling of the dream, of that fleeting terror and utter exhaustion still lingered somewhere in the back of his mind, screeching warnings and swan songs from behind a rippling curtain of water. 

Kiki mewed from under the bed, so he took one look back at her before he opened the door, facing the lamplight in all its cheap fluorescent glow. Someone was cooking downstairs-- he could smell eggs and hear the sizzle of a pan. As he stood there, waiting in his pajamas for a sign, Kiki rubbed against his leg. She had emerged from her spot under his bed, purring like a racecar as her whiskers tickled his leg and she rubbed her cheek against his pajama pants. As Kiki nuzzled him, Ruby stood a hesitant step forward, his slippered feet soundless against the hardwood. She nudged him forward until he found the railing, where he looked down upon a quaint little house. 

He could see his mother making breakfast in the kitchen, humming along to the radio as she cooked. Ruby could do nothing but stare. His hands wrapped around the cold wood as he stared over the railing; his Delcatty purred as she rubbed up against his legs. He stared down at the quiet morning routine, feeling almost like a foreigner as the intimate domesticity played out before his very eyes. Soft acoustics poured from the radio. The house was small but clean. Everything was perfectly fine. Tears slipped down Ruby’s cheeks without him having to think about it, mourning something lost to his forgotten memories. There was guilt, something that screamed this is wrong this is  _ wrong _ and that, somehow, the mundane was something he shouldn’t have, shouldn’t deserve. Ruby pushed the thoughts underwater. Kiki meowed again, curious as to what her trainer thought was so sad. His mother’s voice rang up the stairs, soft and seemingly surprised. 

“Ruby?” she asked. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes with his sleeves and bounded down the stairs, amazed at how melancholy this morning routine made him feel. He couldn’t put a finger on why, but it felt like something he had been missing for a long time. Greeting his mom, he leaned over the counter to see what she had for breakfast. Eggs sizzled on the pan, fresh bacon and collard greens on a plate beside them. 

“Did you want some?” she asked, without any of the usual carefulness. There was no hesitancy in her voice anymore, no obedient softness like there had been before. Ruby couldn’t help but let his eyes widen as he stuttered out a “no thank you.” His mother lifted the pan from the stove, sliding the eggs onto her plate and sitting down to eat as she gestured to the counter. 

“You can make yourself some eggs if you want. There’s bagels too, if you were looking to go out early. I’m surprised, you usually wake up later than this. Couldn’t sleep?”

Ruby just stared at her, dumbfounded. She was self-assured, not offering to make him a special breakfast or musing about what his father was doing every other minute. She sat straighter, didn’t look down. She held his eye contact as she arranged her plate, her smile dropping into a slight frown of worry as she noticed his bewildered expression. 

“You don’t look so good,” she said. “Honey, are you sure you’re alright?”

Ruby set his shoulders back and smiled. 

“No, I’m alright, I just need breakfast and some fresh air. I’m gonna grab a bagel.”

She watched him with suspicion but held her tongue, refusing to prod further. 

“Alright. Have fun,” she said, not bothering to ask where he was going. Ruby nearly sighed with relief, throwing a bagel in the toaster and running back upstairs. The outfits were the same, the hat a familiar comfort on his head, Kiki watching from her spot curled up on the floor. His eyeliner was on before his mom could call up to him that his bagel was ready, and as soon as he threw the bag over his shoulder, he was back bounding down the stairs, Kiki at his side. His mom watched his enthusiasm, however faked, with a warm smile. He smiled back at her as he slathered some cream cheese on his bagel, inching towards the door. 

“Excited for a day of training?” she asked. He nodded, wondering what she meant, and escaped out the safety of the front door with Kiki at his side. The air in Littleroot was warm, with that familiar stifling humidity he came to find as a comfort. He took a bite of his bagel, cream cheese and blueberries sticking to the corners of his lips as he walked and tried to eat without dirtying himself. It, admittedly, was a bit of a struggle, but he managed nonetheless, licking his fingers of the last of the cream cheese before he even reached Birch’s lab. It was exactly how he remembered it, so he just walked in, only to find an aide he didn’t know and a surprising lack of the Professor and Sapphire. 

“Oh!” the aide said as though he had known Ruby for years. “Professor Birch is studying the habitats and distribution. He enjoys Sapphire’s help. There’s a lot of love there.”

Ruby blinked. He hadn’t asked where the professor was, so the fact that this aide, who seemingly knew Ruby better than Ruby knew him, had already known startled him a little bit. 

“Uh, sorry about that, I just figured you’d only really come in here to ask where they were. You didn’t strike me as the research type. Sorry if I scared you, I just… uh… nevermind. Birch said he was going to the Weather Institute, and if I had to guess Sapphire is in Lilycove. She spends a lot of time there nowadays.”

Ruby thanked the aide, the gears in his head spinning. He had to find Sapphire, ask her what was going on. He felt like something was wrong, like something was missing. She would know what to do. She always knew what to do. Why did the fact that Sapphire was in Lilycove bother him so much? Shoving the thought to the back of his mind-- everything is ok now, he reminded himself-- he walked towards Oldale. The tall grass licked at his ankles, scratching the skin just above his socks. The breeze was cool, tugging at his hat as he shielded his eyes from the clouds of pollen that were pulled loose by the breeze and flew around like fairy dust. The bright yellow settled on his clothes as he walked, Kiki by his side as he trudged through the bit of unavoidable tall grass and wondered why everything seemed so wonderfully out of place.

He remembered these pollen clouds, the scratchiness of the grass, the feeling of his pokemon at his side when he started his adventure. It felt the same now, like new beginnings and gentle breezes that made the oppressive heat feel like a distant memory. There was nothing wrong with it, and yet somehow a little part of him looked out at the tranquility with worry. Everything looked the same as when he walked through this route the first time-- he recognized the trainers who made their rounds, the Pokemon who darted around in the underbrush waiting for unsuspecting newcomers, the trees and the brooks and the hills and rocks and ledges. It was exactly the same, even after everything, right down to the Poochyena dens and the Dustox that hid in the trees. Ruby walked over the bridge where Mumu had saved him, where he first realized that perhaps there was something about the Mudkip that made him a valuable member of his team. On the other side, two youngsters were having a battle against a horde of wild Poochyena. He watched them from afar, knowing the look of every tackle and tail whip from his own adventures on these early routes, and-- did that wild Poochyena just use Fire Fang?

A vision of fire and brimstone flashed before Ruby’s eyes, disappearing as soon as it appeared and leaving him with the same dry mouth feeling he had when he first woke up. He saw something big and red, some kind of monster against a darkened sky, and for a moment he smelled smoke, but then it was gone, fading away like a dream as he struggled to hold onto something. Something in his hands began to heat up as he walked towards the trainers, back in reality after his fleeting glimpse of what might have been, or perhaps what once was. The name was on the tip of his tongue, as infuriatingly out of reach as the stars. He shook the feeling from his fingers, watching as his understanding shattered like the reflection in a pond’s rippling waters. Poochyena couldn’t learn Fire Fang as far as he knew, and they certainly didn’t learn it here. And yet, here were two trainers, battling against one like it was nothing. Perhaps he was the one who didn’t understand. 

“It’s Ruby!” one of them suddenly shouted, turning towards him with a grin. “Hello!”

Ruby stared. He had no idea who this kid was. Was he famous? Was this kid a contest star in the making? How did he know who Ruby was? Blinking away his surprise, he waved nervously back. 

“We’re trying to catch this Poochyena so we can be like you!” one of them shouted. The other elbowed his friend in the ribs, pretending he wasn’t embarrassed. 

“Nuh uh! I wanna get a Ralts!” he exclaimed. “Gardevoir is SOOO cool! And did you see Rara during the big battle on TV? Mister Ruby, can we see Rara?”

Ruby had to admit, he was a little taken aback. Wally was the one with Rara, and she certainly wasn’t a Gardevoir yet. Even still, he released Nana and Rara for the kids. There wasn’t any reason not to, and maybe somehow he would get some answers about all these strange changes. To his surprise, Rara’s pokeball was in fact on his belt, so perhaps Wally had somehow gotten her back to him? When? His mind grappled with the idea like a bar of soap-- slippery, fleeting, impossible. He didn’t know. It didn’t matter. 

The two boys oohed and aahed at him, staring at the Mightyena and… Gardevoir? Rara wasn’t a Gardevoir yet. She was with Wally, and Wally had kept her because Ruby had gotten swept up in… he got swept up in contests. He was busy with contests and couldn’t retrieve her. The burning sensation crept back into his hands, yelling at him, telling him that no, it wasn’t contests. It was never contests. Rara was a Gardevoir and that was wrong somehow. The kids didn’t seem to think so. What was missing?

The two boys prodded the patient pokemon, petting Nana’s head and running their dirty little hands over Rara’s ribbons. He wanted to compliment her on the evolution and Wally for helping out, but in his defense he didn’t really remember the exchange in the first place. The kids were acting like Wally never had Rara in the first place, which maybe made sense, but even still. 

Mightyena groaned, sidestepping as the kids flattened her fur and looked her over. Rara stood still, her ribbons flapping noisily in the breeze. At least his pokemon were the same. Nana still had that beautiful figure, confident posture, and flawless glossy fur. Rara had that same little bit of shyness, the patience of a saint, and the secret love of attention that she always had. No matter what happened and no matter how strange the world became, his pokemon would be there for him. He couldn’t help but look at all his pokeballs while the kids harassed his pokemon further. Kiki was already by his feet, grooming herself on the cool grass. Mumu and Feefee sat expectantly in their pokeballs, looking happily up at their trainer and cooing through the red plastic. Ruby’s gaze softened. At least they were ok. After everything, after all these weird thoughts running through his head, at least they never changed. 

Eventually, he made up a lie about needing to make his next contest and recalled his Pokemon, giving a quick goodbye to the boys before they could pull too much of his Pokemon’s fur out. They seemed bewildered the moment he said contest, so he tried his best not to think about it. Nana rolled her eyes as Ruby recalled her, so he whispered an apology to her pokeball before tucking it back into his belt. He still couldn’t understand what about his Pokemon was so special to these random youngsters, but the more he thought about it the less he wanted to know. They seemed almost disappointed to watch him go, so to avoid looking at their downcast faces, Ruby just turned his head and walked away. 

The birds tweeted in the trees, and Ruby only listened to the sound of the grass swishing as he trudged onwards. There was no reason to stop-- he might miss Sapphire. He already missed Sapphire. He missed her. He didn’t know why. 

Everything was peaceful, even as he trekked through the cities and towns. Slateport was sunny, Dewford calm, the ocean salty and the breeze cool as it swept the humid landscape and brought relief to the residents. Every route seemed basically untouched since the last time Ruby had been there-- he couldn’t imagine why it seemed everything was in stasis, as if as soon as he left time froze, only existing when he could see it. Trainers circled on the same routes, the same Pokemon appeared in the same places around the same levels, everything. The weather was perfect, the sun was hot. The breeze was cool, the Pokemon were friendly. As Ruby paddled through the ocean routes on Mumu, trainers waved as though they had known them all their lives, every last one of them joyous. They paddled in circles in the sea, stood stiffly on routes, walked the same circular paths over and over as if daring someone to make eye contact. Ruby did not look back. 

Lilycove was smaller than he remembered. It was lush and beautiful, filled to the brim with contest stars, teeming with people and pokemon who stood around and chatted about nothing. The town fed into the ocean, and Ruby was surprised to see the sand so calm. Last time he had been there… he wasn’t sure. Everything seemed different; more calm, more bright, more… sterile. The ocean waves lapped silently onto the beach. Ruby watched everyone move in their familiar circuits without end, something almost robotic about their movements. They felt like monsters in human skin: they made all the right moves and said all the right things, but there was something vital and spontaneous and  _ human _ that they lacked. It wasn’t Ruby could put into words, it wasn’t even something he felt confident in understanding at all. But something behind their eyes was wrong. Something about this city was wrong. Everything was wrong, but he didn’t know how. More importantly, though, he didn’t know  _ why _ . 

Ruby just stood by the department store doors. No one came in, no one came out. He had been here for 15 minutes. No one entered, no one left, as though the glass doors were an impenetrable barrier. It seemed that no one liked doors anymore. Fences, doors, stairs, even the spaces between routes seemed off limits-- no one ever passed through them, as though they were afraid to enter into another space. Ruby watched them pace in circles, their gibberish continuing to wash over him like the gentle waves of the beach. It all echoed like tv static, an endless loop of meaningless noise; full of patterns, full of repetition, but devoid of any purpose than to fill space. With a whirr of the doors, Sapphire walked out of the Lilycove Department Store. 

Looking into her eyes gave him goosebumps. There was no feral enthusiasm, no shock at seeing him again. There was no righteous fury, no disappointment, no flustered stare of gleeful reunion. She just looked delightfully surprised, like she had run into a friend out of the blue. The words she spoke were too soft, too meek, too… he didn’t know. Perhaps it had been so long that he was the one who couldn’t remember what she was like. He swallowed his doubts and said hello. 

“Heeey! Ruby! Don't tell me... Are you here for the shopping too? We're right in front of the famous Lilycove Department Store, after all!”

Ruby knew that. He had been here before. She knew that. Why was she reminding him?

“When I saw you, I figured maybe you'd come here to do some shopping, same as me. I'm afraid I already bought up tons of stuff! Like Pokémon Dolls...and posters...and... B-but— That's not all I've been doing, of course! I've also caught tons of different Pokémon, and I've been raising them well, too!"

This was not Sapphire. Sapphire didn’t like dolls or posters-- perhaps she did, but she wouldn’t be so open about it. This imposter had impeccable grammar. That was wrong too. 

“We should battle, just for old time’s sake! Just like we did on Route 103!”

They never battled on Route 103. They never battled at all. 

“You know… I've caught a lot of different Pokémon, and my Pokédex is pretty complete, so I think I should go show it to my dad.”

Sapphire wanted to beat gyms, not catch pokemon. This was not Sapphire. Everyone was acting weird. Everything was wrong. As tears sprang into his eyes and Sapphire’s dead eyes stared back at him with the smile that meant absolutely nothing, Ruby swallowed his doubts and nodded. Sapphire thanked him and walked away, cutting through the circulating crowds like it was nothing. Ruby watched her disappear and wondered what went wrong. He watched a flower petal dance on the wind past him and stepped into the department store that no one ever seemed to leave. The flower petal froze in the air. Ruby stopped. 

He stood, one foot in and one foot out, at the petal which mysteriously froze as soon as he went into another area. He looked around. Every person was frozen, as though every door were a liminal space, as though he were looking at a mere snapshot of time, frozen like an insect in amber. The universe flickered for a moment, the screws in the mirror visible along the outlines of its twisted reflection. Black and white, red and blue, earth and sea, fire and water. Scenes of destruction and rampage flashed before Ruby’s eyes, feeling more like a memory than a dream. There were flashes of water in his lungs, of smoke in his throat, of tears on his cheeks and blood in his mouth. He saw torn flesh and massive gods, dead bodies and crying children. He saw a girl in a car slamming her fists on the windows and screaming until her voice was raw. He saw a pokemon more beautiful than anything he could have imagined curling around a child cloaked in shadows whose identity escaped him. He saw a war, a ravaged region, land and sea both broken by the clashes of giants. He felt an unmistakable and painful sorrow fill his chest. It was guilt. Somehow, in some way, this was all his fault. He stepped into the department store and knew he had to have been dreaming. 

The flower petal hovered silently in the air outside. 

Dissatisfied, Ruby went home. He tested his theory again and again; people only moved when he was in the route;  _ time _ only moved when he was in the route. There were the same trainers, the same pokemon, the same disgustingly bright colors and sterile backdrop, all tailor made to suit him. It was disgusting. He wanted to go home. 

There was something about the perfection that made him sick. He didn’t want this. He wanted to trudge again through the tall grass, to see pokemon and people that were strange, unique, and new. He didn’t want this blank parody of his life. He wanted to get his clothes dirty, to deal with the humidity thick as fog and the heat that clung to him like burrs. He wanted all the mean, stupid trainers back. He wanted the gym leaders, the contest stars, everyone with all their flaws. He wanted to fight with Sapphire, to feel the anger rising in his cheeks, to squabble and bicker and mess around. He wanted her again. He hated this region more than anything in this world and he wanted nothing more than to have it back.

Ruby arrived at Littleroot alone. The sun was dipping below the horizon, bathing the world in red. Stars were just beginning to come out and play. Ruby remembered what Sapphire had said about Route 103 and found his feet taking him there before his mind could protest. He could hear the pounding of his heart amidst the silence. He felt the same sun, the same grass on his ankles, the same pollen and breeze. It was nighttime, and his replayed memories were starting to betray him. There was fire in his stomach. He found himself at a pond, Sapphire beside him as they both looked into the inky depths. He sat on the ground. Sapphire followed dutifully like a Rockruff. The only sound was the wind whistling through the reeds and endless murmuring of his own heart. 

“Welcome back, Ruby. I just thought, you know, that since we were both here and all...that I'd wait for you.”

“You’re not Sapphire.”

The two of them stared at each other. There was a recognition behind Sapphire’s eyes, something entirely inhuman, bewildered, and sad. She looked almost disappointed. 

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” she said. 

Ruby stood silent for a moment. By all means, she was right. When he arrived in Hoenn, he hated Sapphire. He hated the heat, the sweat, the people. He hated the pokemon, the barbarism, the wild and untamed nature of the whole place. He wanted it to be brighter, cleaner, kinder. He wanted it to be different. Didn’t he? As he thought, the murmur of his heart only grew louder, whispering his true desires where he could no longer ignore them. 

“N- no!” he shouted. Sapphire’s eyes widened just a little. She watched him with increased interest. 

“I don’t… I don’t know what happened to me or why I’m here, but this is all wrong. This isn’t… this isn’t Hoenn. Hoenn’s beauty is that it’s so unpredictable, not that it’s sterile and perfect. Hoenn is wild and crazy, it has strange pokemon and stranger trainers and it drives me nuts, but this isn’t any better! Nothing here, nothing is real! It’s all wrong and I hate it!”

“Everyone here is safe. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Yes, I mean… of course, but are they really? I don’t recognize anyone here; they’re all different. Are… are they even them anymore?” There was a silence that stretched between them like ripples in a pond. “Where’s the real Sapphire?” Silence. “Who are you?” 

Sapphire stared at him, her expression unreadable. Ruby squeezed his eyes shut, not caring if she saw the tears that slipped down his cheeks. 

“I don’t want this. It’s all wrong. I miss my mom and dad and all the trainers and pokemon and gym leaders… I miss my mom. I miss Sapphire… I miss Hoenn! I love the Hoenn region and I just want to go home!”

When he looked up, Sapphire’s eyes glowed green. 

“Are you sure?” she asked. 

Visions of fire and brimstone danced before his vision. He found names for the beasts that devoured the land and sea, for the destruction wrought on Sootopolis. He saw the faces of the dead and the eyes of the betrayed and the ache that settled in his own heart as the region went down in flames. Somehow, he knew it was probably his fault. He remembered the Seviper, the bet, the final battle. He remembered Magma and Aqua; he remembered the aircar. He remembered Rayquaza and the death of his father and the smell of something burning, always something burning. He remembered the feeling of lava in his veins and power in his heart. He remembered everything, and he remembered the strange pokemon that made it all disappear in a flash of light. Ruby remembered everything, and he remembered how he ran. 

“... Celebi?”

Sapphire nodded. “I created this world to help you. It’s everything you wanted, Ruby. You saved the world-- you shouldn’t have to live amongst its ruins.”

“T- the people that died. Can you bring them back?”

“I can’t say that for certain. I simply know that I can only fix so much. Do you still want to go home?”

Ruby put his head on his knees and stared at the pond. 

“I’m done running.” 

Sapphire sighed. She turned to him with a sad smile.

“We set out on this journey together, right? So maybe we should finish it together, too. Hee hee... So...come on! Let's go home,” she said softly.

She took his hand and led him to the water. Together, staring at the reflection that did not match the sky, they walked into the depths. The world was, for a brief moment, completely silent. The pond dutifully reflected the only sky it had ever known, the sky that Ruby wanted to return to even if the world beneath it was ravaged. It was time to go home. He shut his eyes, plunging his head into the cool, dark waters, and took a deep breath. 

Ruby woke up with the taste of ashes in his mouth.


End file.
